Nation 100% Certain Harris Is Up To Something


MINISTER for health Simon Harris’s decision to forgo his St. Patrick’s Day trip to Europe to stay in Ireland and tackle the trolley crisis in A&E wards has been met with heavy scepticism by the Nation, with the vast majority of people wondering just what he’s up to.

With the number of patients waiting for treatment in hospitals around the country soaring to record-testing levels, Harris announced that he would be cancelling his planned trip to the Netherlands as it ‘would not feel right’ to leave the country while there was so many people suffering due to the strain on the health system, marking the first time in living memory that a TD actually put the people ahead of their own personal gain.

Due to this unprecedented turn, most Irish people have become highly suspicious of Harris’s motives, with the notion that a TD would act for the good of the people ‘just not sitting right’ with the population.

“Nah, he’s fucking up to something, you can tell,” said one patient we spoke to in Waterford General Hospital.

“He’s playing the long game, licking up to the electorate so they’ll remember him come election time, or maybe he’s got some sort of air miles allowance dodge on the go that will allow him to claim back a few quid at the end of the year… it’ll be something like that, surely. What’s the alternative? That Ireland has a minister for health that actually cares about doing their job? Pull the other one”.

Harris was unavailable for comment as he was ‘working’, which again was dismissed as totally unbelievable.