Neighbour’s House Alarm Enters 3rd Hour Of Being Ignored


THE piercing shriek of the house alarm that has been blaring across a Waterford suburb all morning has now blended into the ambience, with residents who have been tolerating the shrill sound for over three hours now admitting that they find it ‘soothing’.

Although the source of the alarm has yet to be tracked down, residents in Cluainn Go Han Mhaith on the outskirts of Waterford city are certain that it’s ‘over the far side of the green somewhere’, but none of the hundred or so homeowners we spoke to seemed to have much interest in finding out why the alarm was triggered.

While it’s entirely possible that a robbery, murder, or some similar home invasion has taken place or indeed is still in progress, most people have opted to simply ‘turn the telly up a bit’, or head out to the shops and hope that the racket has ceased by the time they come back.

“Call the guards? Nah, I don’t think that’s really my business,” said a lovely woman we spoke to in number 6, who brought us in for tea and a purple snack.

“OK, the alarm was annoying this morning, but after a while you just kind of get used to it. It’s got a rhythm, you know? I’ve been bopping along to it while doing the hoovering for the last while. It’s like being in Ibiza”.

UPDATE: The alarm has gone silent in the last five minutes, and locals are assuming that the house-owner must be either safe or dead, who cares really.