Varadkar Struggles To Put Together Cabinet


CURRENT Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has described himself as ‘exhausted’ after a full weekend of trying to assemble a cabinet, something that the young Fine Gael leader has admitted to be ‘way harder’ than he thought it would be.

Varadkar finally sat down to address his cabinet issues on Saturday, having decided that he had ‘put it off for long enough’ and that he had been so caught up in his ‘Taoiseach-ey duties’ that he hadn’t bothered to replace his creaky old cabinet, parts of which are completely unfit for purpose.

As such, Varadkar sat down with cabinet pieces scattered around him for the whole of Saturday, in a vain attempt to bring together a new cabinet that was both perfectly functional and something that he could be proud of.

“Now, I seem to have several pieces that all look like they should connect together to form a perfect structure, but really it all seems to just be a big mess,” said Varadkar, frantically looking through past cabinets to see how they were put together.

“And then I need this piece to support this other piece, but they just won’t fucking go together unless I force them… and if I force them, then they’ll crack and eventually just splinter and fall apart. And while I’m here, are all these bits necessary? Seems that I could have a much more streamlined cabinet that would cost way less if I just got rid of a few of these odd pieces, but look, they must be there for a reason so I better stick them somewhere”.

With the weekend drawing to a close, Varadkar had resigned himself to the fact that he would have to ‘make do’ with his old cabinet for another while, until it falls down by itself or something knocks it apart.