McDonald Grows Beard In Preparation For Sinn Féin Presidency


SMALL print contained in Sinn Féin party rules have forced incoming party president Mary Lou McDonald to begin growing a beard, WWN can reveal.

The proviso, which gives exact colour, fluffiness and length guides for the beard, is believed to have been added to party rules in recent years after attempts to discover a way to make Gerry Adams immortal failed.

McDonald is just 2 days into the process, but early signs are that the beard should help hardline Republicans cope with the leadership transition by the time her nomination is ratified on February the 10th.

“I think the beard will ease them in, they’re so used to voting for someone with a, to put it mildly dodgy past, the fear was they’d never vote for the party if it had a leader who might only be pursuing actual policies without all the wink wink IRA nonsense in the background,” revealed one insider with knowledge of the situation.

Senior Sinn Féin figures have admitted new leadership will also require Irish media outlets to be more creative when it comes to blatant anti-Sinn Féin rhetoric.

“The papers will have to settle for just tearing our pie in the sky policies limb from limb without a mention of an IRA army council here or an IRA bombing there,” one Sinn Féin member confirmed.

It is unclear if McDonald will be required to keep the beard for the duration of her leadership or just until such time hardline Republicans accept they can’t stop the future from happening.

To coincide with McDonald’s beard growth the official Sinn Féin shop is running a special 10% off all Republican-themed grooming products.