Parents Regret Starting This Elf On The Shelf Shit


PARENTS across Ireland have started a Facebook group titled ‘next year, let’s not do that fucking Elf On The Shelf shit’ which has garnered over 100 thousand likes in just four hours, as the festive craze threatens to overwhelm an already stressful time of year.

The Elf On The Shelf, a small model of one of Santa’s helpers, came to popularity in Ireland after one family did it four years ago, after which every mother and father followed suit to avoid looking like ‘bad parents’.

Although harmless fun for a few days, the stress of having to get up at five o’clock every morning to move the Elf to a different location and come up with some sort of backstory as to what he’s doing has proved to be more hassle than it’s worth, with reports of constant fights between siblings looking for the Elf, as well as inconsistencies in stories on the playground leading to increased doubts in the existence of Santa himself.

“If we as a nation just agree to not mention this fucking thing next year, then our kids will never know it existed,” wrote one parent on the NYLNDTFEOTS page.

“What, was Christmas not magical enough? Did we feel the need to add more and more layers of wonder to the whole thing, giving ourselves as parents more shit to worry about for the whole fucking month? I can’t come up with 25 different things for an elf to be doing over the month. It’s only been a few weeks, and already the elf in our house has had nine ‘sick days’ where I just couldn’t be arsed to move him from the spot he was on the day before”.

Although families across Ireland have pledged to purge the elf next year, experts in this field have projected that the yuletide tradition will return even stronger than ever.