Friday Night Ruined After Massive Drugs Haul


THE DRUG TAKING portion of the population of Ireland has entered a period of mourning, following news that a tiny fraction of the drugs consumed of a weekend were being seized by gardaí, WWN can confirm.

Friday night sessions across the country have been ruined as a result, with recreational drug users pleading with violent drug gangs to find a way to fast track the next shipment into the country in time for Friday evening.

“Fuck sake, I was planning on having a few pints with the lads, well, that’s fucking ruined now. It’ll be boring and shite thanks to the drugs seizure,” confirmed one local solicitor, who was considering suing his dealer/client.

“We can only apologise for the inconvenience this has caused, we don’t take any pleasure in ruining the weekend for some people,” explained a senior Garda officer overseeing the seizure, “I’ve a few lads in the station who aren’t too happy either as they were planning on getting fairly fucked up at a christening on the Sunday.”

With no section of society left untouched by what we are legally required to describe as a ‘massive drugs bust’, appeals have been made to people to try and attempt to find other ways of letting their hair down for just this one weekend of the year when they might not have a steady supply of drugs.

“Try some good clean fun like drinking until you pass out, you never know, you might like it,” urged one health expert employed by the drinks industry.

Those in desperate need of purchasing cannabis or cocaine this weekend have been urged to keep the faith in their drug dealers as they vowed to violently murder whoever ratted on them to the guards.