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21 March – 20 April

You spend the day muttering about how it’s ‘not that windy’.


21 April – 21 May

You become the owner of 16 new wheelie bins.


May 21 – June 20

You’re driven slowly mad by the incessant flapping of your letterbox.  


June 21 – July 22

Hurricane Ophelia becomes almost as windy as your arse after a feed of Guinness.  


July 23 – August 22

Look, you needed beer. It was necessary. A necessary journey. Fuck what anyone thinks.  


August 23 – September 22

You’ll be alright if the electricity goes out, but if you lose the internet you’re fucked.  


September 23 – October 22

You make sure to put a rock on your cat, just to be safe.


October 23 – November 21

Screaming ‘fuck this’, you pull your coat up over your head and vanish into the sky, never to be seen again.  


November 22 – December 21

You picked the wrong week to buy a trampoline.  


December 22 – January 19

You wonder if you can get a few more days off work out of this storm.


January 20 – February 18

You take this opportunity to have a really dramatic fight with your arch nemesis.  


February 19 – March 20

You smash up your neighbours boy racer car, then head out the next day and say oooh, storm getcha?

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