Innocent Bystanders Warned To Stay Out Of Dublin For A While

GARDAÍ have issued a warning to all innocent bystanders following a recent spate of gangland killings in the Dublin area, adding that people have ‘only themselves to blame’ if they receive gunshot wounds in the coming weeks.

The warnings come as gardaí struggle to find clues as to who might be behind the Kinahan and Hutch gangs, with senior figures in the task force admitting that they ‘don’t even have a surname to go on’.

With super-precise hitmen from both sides targeting anyone who’s in the immediate vicinity of their intended prey, innocent bystanders have been served with Gardai Information Messages (GIM), letting them know about the impending threat to their life.

“I was just walking home after getting the paper when the cop car pulled over and issued me with a GIM, informing me that I was in danger of being shot,” said Crumlin native Dean Harris, just some lad.

“As an innocent bystander in an area known to contain violent criminals, the gardaí are under obligation to let me know that they can’t guarantee my safety if I decide to continue to be an innocent bystander. So it’s all on me now, if I get killed. They wouldn’t tell me what I should do to ensure my safety, but one of them said that he’d ‘get out of Dublin if I were you'”.

As the feuds continue to escalate, many innocent bystanders are considering turning to active crime in a bid to receive some sort of garda protection.