Builder Insists Latest Fuck Up Is “Better This Way”


CURRENTLY on fuck up number nine after just two days of construction on an extension to a residential property on the outskirts of Waterford, one builder is currently doing his absolute best to assure the homeowner that although the building doesn’t look like what was planned and agreed upon, this way is ‘much better’.

Liam Kennelly of Kennelly Construction has yet to convince homeowner Michael McGahon that having a window on the opposite side of the roof that he wanted it on was ‘a decision that was made early on’, as opposed to a complete cock-up, and that there will be ‘far more light in the house’ this way.

“Look, it’s down to yourself, but I’ve done a few of these the way they’re done in the plan and they’ve given nothing but trouble” bluffed Kennelly, doing his best to not have to redo the whole job from the start.

“If you leave it the way we have it, you’ll be much better off. Much more light in the room, you’ll see everything a lot better. Less eye strain, you know yourself”.

“Do you have kids? This is way better for kids. They’d probably need glasses after a year if you went with how you wanted it originally. We looked at it and thought: nah, be far better if we built the wall a foot lower than you wanted it, put the Velux window on the other side of the ridge, used a different colour of roof tiles to the ones you picked, and had the gutter too low to actually catch any rainwater that came off the roof”.

“Like I say, it’s up to yourself. But honestly, the hassle you’ll have this time next year… it’ll break you heart. The whole room will be really… echoey. You’ll be thinking you’re hearing things that aren’t there. You’ll be demented, driven to murder or something. I was trying to do you a favour, trying to prevent you from sliding into madness from the sounds in your head that you can only hear because we put the light switch on a better side of the door than you thought we should have. Honestly, you can take anyone’s advice, but I’m just trying to help you out here”.

McGahon remained unconvinced at time of print, but told Kennelly to ‘work away’ and that he would ‘see what the wife says’ when she gets home.