Obama Buries Nuclear Codes In White House Back Garden


CAREFUL to dispose of the nuclear codes under the cover of darkness, US president Barack Obama began digging at an unknown patch of earth behind the White House at 3am this morning, WWN has learned.

However, there was some urgency required as first light began to break over the horizon and Obama, along with two aides, had yet to bury the modest box which contained the codes to all of America’s nuclear warhead missiles.

“Just shout the safety word we agreed on if you see anyone coming, even if it’s Michelle, no one can know it’s here, maybe we can tell her where they are when she runs in 8 years time,” Obama said to a secret service official as his brow glistened with sweat.

Now clawing at the earth in a frantic fashion with his bare hands fuelled by images of a tiny orange hand plunging its digits onto the ‘launch nuclear weapon’ button, the Democrat felt he could take no chances with the codes as Republican candidate Donald Trump was leading in some national polls.

“Whose job is it to regularly water the grass here, I want his ass fired, it’s been hell digging here, it’s so hard and dry,” Obama added, unaware watering the White House lawns was the official duty of the president of the country.

Finishing burying the box containing the codes, Obama used the shovel to dab down the freshly overturned soil before striking his aides over the back of the head with the digging tool.

“No one can know where it’s buried, no one,” Obama added, as he dragged their unconscious bodies to another patch of White House lawn, whereby he set about digging two fresh holes.