Car Insurers Now Giving Free Vaseline With Every Policy

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CAR insurance providers are attempting to take the sting out the recent hikes in the cost of motor insurance by throwing in free gifts such as tubs of Vaseline, Sudocrem, and Bepanthen with every policy.

Many motorists are facing hikes in the cost of their car insurance in the region of 40%, with brokers stating that the increases are necessary because they realised that they wanted more money.

Even drivers with flawless on-the-road histories and decades of no-claims bonuses are looking at an increase of several hundred euro on their premiums, prompting insurance brokers across the country to give away free ointments and balms to help ‘soothe the pain of getting F’d in the A’.

“Several motorists will find that their policy is now well over a thousand euro, and for that we offer a very special gift; one of those rubber rings that you get after rectal surgery,” said Ian Massey, spokesperson for the Car Insurance Cartel Of Ireland.

“So after we kick your hole with our hiked costs, at least you have something to help nurse your hole back to full health. Hey, we didn’t want to turn around out of nowhere and hike prices way the fuck up… but then we realised that there’s nothing you can do about it, so we went ahead and did it”.

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