Are You Drinking Too Much? Several Drinks Companies Beg To Differ

WITH many health warnings floating around these days about the negative effects of alcohol on the human body, it’s easy for one voice to get drowned out; that of the humble drinks industry, who just need you to keep on drinking like you’ve always done.

Organisations such as the HSE and DrinkAware would have the ordinary punter believe that excessive alcohol consumption could lead to a range of diseases and medical conditions, and also put you in harm’s way while you’re in an intoxicated state. However, during an exclusive interview with WWN, a spokesperson for DrinkUp dot ie told us ‘that nah, you’re grand’ and to have another few pints.

“We at DrinkUp.ie represent a small group of the largest alcohol manufacturers in the world,” said David Keating, proudly wearing a ‘skull it’ badge.

“For too long, we’ve had health warnings on every piece of advertising and promotional material that had anything to do with alcohol, we’ve had people yelling about what is the most amount of alcohol units you should drink during a week… well, we’re here to tell you to ignore all that”

“You’re fine. You’re grand. Have another drink, in fact, have a double. Getting a few cans for when you’re watching telly? Get a naggin as well! Going to a wedding? Line your stomach nicely at the meal, and drink all through the afters! Enjoy alcohol irresponsibly!”

The news was welcomed by thousands of drinkers across Ireland, who up until now had felt slightly ill at ease with their weekly binge-drinking sessions. Drink up, gang! The drinks industry has given you the green light!