Pensioner Gets Irrational Compulsion To Clap Out Of Time To Song


A COUNTY Waterford pensioner has admitted that she regularly comes down with an irrational compulsion to clap out of time to music, despite being fully aware how fucking annoying it is.

Bridget Kennedy, with an address in John’s Park in the city, claims she has absolutely no control of her hands whilst listening to songs, and finds her whole clap routine quite embarrassing.

“I know I’m doing it, but I just have to save face and pretend I’m unaware,” the 76-year-old great granddaughter of eight told WWN. “It gets worse when I actually know the songs being played. It’s like my subconscious hates the song and acts out because of it”.

Agreeing to some tests at Waterford’s local IT college, Mrs. Kennedy and 100 of her peers were brought in for a brief study into the phenomenon to see what makes her, and others like her, clap out of time to the beat.

“What we found was quite astonishing,” lead researcher Prof. Mark Hunt explained. “Not only do the pensioners purposely clap out of time, but they all do it together in unison. We also found that some music was more prone to being ruined than others. For instance, when we played Declan Nearny’s ‘Stop The World And Let Me Off’, they really clapped out of time, as if purposely trying to destroy it.”

Interestingly, psychologists in the study found that when asked, the pensioners admitted to hating the music they were being made listen to all the time, hinting that the out-of-time clapping was more of a passive aggressive impulse than previously thought.

“I believe they subconsciously hate the music they were brought up on, and this is them revolting against it,” Mr. Hunt said. “When we played The Prodigy’s ‘smack my bitch up’, they didn’t even clap, and just got up and danced”.