ISIS Confirm They Won’t Blow Up The Spire Out Of Spite


AFTER Taoiseach Enda Kenny sensationally revealed to the Irish public yesterday that ISIS wants to blow up Newgrange, comes fresh news right from the heart of the infamous terror group.

Speaking to a small crowd in an ISIS held territory in Iraq, the group’s leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi confirmed plans to blow up Newgrange as well as historic Christian sites such as the Rock of Cashel and Daniel O’Donnell.

“Okay, who told this Kenny guy our number one target is Newgrange?” al-Baghdadi demanded to know, “well, get the message out there, once we’ve blown up that mad sculpture on the Naas road that’s like basically a ball made out of tarmac and road markings, we will defend the Spire from destruction just to spite them”.

Al-Baghdadi, the most wanted man in the world, went on to deny that the Spire, universally derided by the Irish public, is his favourite sculpture owing to its unashamedly phallic shape.

“No, no, I will keep it because the people hate it, not because I love large penis-shaped things. This is so not a penis obsession thing, because I don’t have one of them,” confirmed the evil leader.

The Taoiseach refused to retract his comments this morning, even going as far as to suggest that if needed he will carry out a Rambo-style one man mission to the heart of an ISIS stronghold if it means keeping Newgrange safe.

The Fine Gael leader made these comments in a media address in which he also assured the public that all incoming Syrians refugees would be housed in the nicest of Ireland’s truly awful Direct Provision centres.