Outrage As Some People No Longer Allowed Claim Dead Relative’s Dole


social welfare fraud

THE Government has come under fierce criticism after it revealed its crackdown on social welfare fraud has resulted in savings of €83 million in the last year.

“Typical from that shower of bastards,” an angry Andrew Kilgannon told WWN, “you’d think they’d go after some real criminals,” he added seemingly unaware that by drawing down the social welfare payments of his dead mother for the past 5 years he was in fact breaking the law.

It is expected the Government will announce shortly that the total savings from a crackdown in welfare reform could be over €500 million.

“I said this country went to shit the day that lot came into power and they’re proving me right. Robbing us of an honest and decent living,” added Kilgannon who now faces a shortfall of €604 per month in his pay packet after being told he could no longer fraudulently collect several welfare payments.

After the recent crackdown Kilgannon can only claim his own social welfare and that of his deceased father and brother.

The department of social welfare has confirmed the net in closing in on other welfare fraudsters.

“We flat out do not pay people who come in with those novelty glasses with the moustaches on them, we’ve learned the hard way on that one,” explained social welfare officer Claire O’Brien, “and we’re paying closer attention to people with wigs who put on comically high pitched french accents”.

O’Brien confirmed that less sophisticated attempts at fraud have always been detected almost instantly by staff.

“Several people have wheeled in open coffins and waved around the dead relative’s arms, but listen, I’ve seen ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’ and ‘Weekend at Bernie’s 3: Bernie in Space’ so there’s no flies on me,” added O’Brien.

Opposition parties have criticised the Government after the latest savings, but admit they’ve stopped listening to anything that is being said, instead preferring to shout loudly, making sure to mention ‘the man on the street’ and ‘joe public’ a lot.

“They should be going after the real criminals,” added Kilgannon again for a 53rd time despite not being asked by anyone.