Heat Shield For Under Laptops Set To Revolutionise Masturbation


A REVOLUTIONARY new product is set to change the masturbation habits of the entire world when it launches later this year, as well as cutting down on the amount of leg injuries sustained due to overheating laptops.

The spank shield employs technology utilised by NASA on the space shuttle to remain at a cool temperature without sacrificing airflow to the important components of the computer.

This will allow users to rest their laptop on their bare thighs while making love to their hands, without risk of third degree burns.

In 2014 alone, over 10,000 people worldwide were admitted to A&E departments with serious scorch trauma to their legs, which went unnoticed during lengthy masturbation sessions.

“The spank shield will allow people to go at themselves for as long as they wish, without risk of injury,” said Owen Hand, spokesperson for Spank Shield Ltd. “Previously, anyone wanting to watch a bit of porn with their trousers around their ankles would have had to time it just right; fighting through the burning pain to get to the finish line.”

“With Spank Shield, they can take as long as they want to shuck the corn without worrying about the smell of burning leg hair,” he added.

The spank shield will hit shelves in September, and will replace the previous method of a couch cushion for the majority of the population.