Fianna Fáil Reveal Local Election Body Armour For Candidates



With local and European elections taking place on the 23rd of May this year, political advisers to Fianna Fáil are finally seeing their election strategy playing out in public.

It is expected by most in the party that the local elections could see positive results. However, they are aware the public still harbours much hatred for them and their political strategists have tailored their campaign to reflect this.

Fianna Fáil have invested heavily in riot gear for all candidates for use during campaigning such is the level of anger amongst the general public.

“You really have to hand it to the majority of the public, they have a fantastic collective memory,” shared political commentator Hugh Deegan, “Fianna Fáil will have to look into a rebrand or name change to avoid to being savagely assaulted but it seems a little too late for that.”

The news comes after a WWN poll revealed 1 in 5 Irish people have trained newly purchased Rottweilers to react violently when the scent of any Fianna Fáil member’s crotch is detected.

“We have equipped all election candidates with an industrial strength cup to protect the crotch and some supplementary protection for the rest of the body,” shared spokesman James Ferriter, “we’d imagine some limbs will be lost but we go into this with our eyes open and hopefully we can keep them too.”

The decision was made by Fianna Fáil in light of palpable anger towards their final years in power despite leader Micháel Martin having no recollection of the period.

Members of the public have greeted the news of protective riot gear-style apparel with relish.

You have to see it as a challenge, haven’t you?” Offered voter Shane Colgan, “10 points for hits to the head, bonus points for making them cry.”

“I spent literally seconds reading detailed information relating to Irish politics in the last 10 years so I’m fairly clued in,” shared another voter, Jane Hegarty, “they shouldn’t be allowed wear all that gear, I’ve shit aim like – so chances are whatever I throw at them will miss the target.””