God Admits He Kinda Forgot Exactly What It Was He Had Planned For The Human Race

Facebook Share Share
Twitter Share
Flipboard Share
Reddit Share

IN YET another embarrassing incident for God Almighty, he has been forced to admit he no longer remembers what exactly it is he had planned for humanity.

God, who has been making the headlines steadily over several millennia, made the confession when contacted by 84-year-old pensioner Noreen Kinlan via prayer.

Breaking from his usual tradition of obstinate silence, God decided to answer Noreen’s question. The elderly woman had grown weary, having seen many of her friends, family and the rest of the world suffer for no good reason and asked God ‘why are we here? What do you want from us?’

God, expecting the answer to roll off his seldom used tongue found himself coming up empty. “You know Noreen, I haven’t the foggiest. I swear I had the reason written down here somewhere…just hang on”.

Noreen knelt patiently at the side of her bed as God had a route around for the answers but was left to endure an inordinate amount of silence. Speaking exclusively to WWN God admitted he basically hung up on Noreen’s prayer. “I said I was looking for the answers I honestly don’t know where I put them, I’m a bit mortified to be honest. Me, God, not knowing things…fairly red faced now.”

“It’s just one of things,” continued God, “you know when you’re at the ATM and you can’t for the life of you remember your pin. Bloody frustrating.”

Noreen is believed to still be waiting patiently by the side of her bed for a 9th straight hour.

“I’m hoping she’ll fall asleep or die,” God shared, “of course I have the power to kill her on the spot but that might be a bit overkill, hopefully she gets bored.

ONE MORE THING: Our articles have been free for the past 10 years and will remain so for the foreseeable future. We've since launched an exclusive service for sound fuckers to donate a price of a fancy coffee per month in return for a whole new tier of quality satire. So please, give our small team some support, you absolute legend. Thanks.

Signing up is easy and done HERE.
Comments ( 1 )
Share what you think.