The Secret Minister – Go Ard Or Go Home

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[follow id=”Secret_Minister” size=”large” count=”true” ]The annual Ard Fheis is where Fine Gael party legends are made. The man who says he doesn’t remember the speech made at the 1977 Ard Fheis given by a young whippersnapper called Enda Kenny is a liar. The great and the good of the party assembled in the RDS this weekend and while they didn’t know it I was about to blow their party political minds.

Politics is a rare and beautiful vice. Not the bad kind like heroin or even worse the demon cigarettes. The good kind like alcohol or gambling (still no levy on that: you’re welcome voters). I don’t think I’ve quite come down from the natural high that was the 2014 Fine Gael Ard Fheis.

Sadly An Taoiseach and the party brass had not entrusted me with one of the more high profile speaking spots this weekend but success is often born out of making the best of an opportunity rather than availing of the best opportunities. Or something like that.

While people were being bored to tears by speeches on tax reduction or nonsense like transparency from more prominent ministers I, your minister, was furiously looking up wikipedia on my phone ahead on what could be well the defining speech of my life.

Okay so my speech wouldn’t be broadcast live on RTÉ but if I got it right it could live on in the whispers of the attending delegates and honestly, that is more important to me as a Fine Gael member. Really when you think about it – who wants to be beamed into the Nation’s households thus providing the perfect platform for the next step in your political career.

Hidden away in room 34A in the RDS, something magical happened if I do say so myself. Yours truly delivered the seminal speech on proposed changes to rural speed limits to an enraptured audience of more than 100 people. Dearbhla said the official head count was 31 but these days what with the internet or Twitter and Facebook who really knows? So, those 100 Fine Gael members gave me a standing ovation for my proposals which included the easing of speed limits the last Sunday of every month between the hours of 6pm and 8pm.

It may not have made the narrow minded media’s headlines but the real power was in room 34A. Big things will be happening when that buzz filters back to An Taoiseach. Just in case it doesn’t filter back I’ve taken liberty of leaving 3 printed copies of my proposals on An Taoiseach’s desk, with post it notes too of course.

I’ve learned over the years that you must grab that opportunity by the scruff of the neck and throttle it to near death until it finally relents and promotes you to minister for finance. Fingers crossed constituents, fingers crossed.

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