Babies Who Fart In The Key Of C At Higher Risk Of Childhood Obesity, Finds Study


A REALLY important study has found that babies who break wind in the key of C are three times more likely to suffer from childhood obesity in later life.

Newborns who fart in C major are 37 per cent more likely to be diagnosed with childhood obesity by an increasingly hysterical society, found really intelligent researchers earlier this week.

The average Irish baby, with buttocks, breaks wind in D minor, but some have been known to reach G# on occasion.

It is not known why ‘key of C babies’ are more likely to become obese, but some theorists believe it may have something to do with their intestinal tracts.

Dr Henrick Stapleton, from Berlin’s Baby Butt Chimes Research centre, said that the air resonating from the child reflects the internal food capacity of its stomach and lower digestive system.

He told WWN: “The lower the tone of the babies farts, the higher the chances of he or she becoming obese in later life.”

In 1998, researchers took 800 test subjects and subjected them to several really complicated experiments that would just be too complex to explain here.

Out of 800 children, they narrowed it down to eight candidates.

“We eventually had eight perfectly tuned babies ranging from “Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, La, Ti/Si, (Do)” said Dr. Stapleton.

“During one experiment we gently pressed down on the subjects abdominal region to release gas.”

“After some practice we were able to play ‘Frère Jacques’ with the babies.

“It was quite amazing.” he added.

The study followed the children over a 14-year period and the end results were astounding.

Babies on the lower end of the music scale were found to have larger appetites than those who produced a ‘so, la, ti’ tone.

Dr. Stapleton concluded: “It seems the higher the pitch of the babies fart, the less chance of it becoming obese.”

Researchers have advised parents that they can check their newborns tone with a simple guitar string tuner which can be found in any good music store.