AFTER a recent spate of unsavoury incidents involving the intimidation of referees, Russia has proposed an innovative solution to the cancer on football that is professional footballers. Famed for constantly diving to win penalties, cheating to gain minor advantages throughout each second of a game and having shit haircuts, footballers are potentially the only element… Read more »
DESPITE Man United’s 1-0 loss to West Brom securing the 2018 Premier League for Manchester City, one local football fan remains adamant they are nothing more than a rag tag bunch of untalented semi-professional footballers who got very lucky. Ciaran Ballane (22) explained to friends and football forums that it takes more than winning a… Read more »
IN the wake of yet another showcase for Cristiano Ronaldo’s nerves of steel and striking precision, the Real Madrid striker admitted that he is kept from sleeping each and every night with the thought that somewhere out there, there are football fans who have never seen his 6-pack. Arguably the finest finisher of his generation,… Read more »
FOLLOWING a pathetic 5-1 aggregate defeat at the hands of Liverpool, Manchester City ‘manager’ Pep Guardiola has firmly cemented his reputation as the worst manager in the history of football, according to some football experts. Guardiola, whose win rate now stands at a dreadful 0.00004% after his 74th defeat in a row, is reportedly awaiting… Read more »
REPORTS coming into WWN from the Portuguese city of Porto details a harrowing event which saw police racing to the scene of an alleged massacre late last night, the likes of which have rarely been seen before. “Make it stop, make it stop. No more. Oh God, the shots. The shots!” confirmed an eye witness… Read more »
JESSICA Farrelly cut a forlorn figure on the end of her couch yesterday afternoon as she had to contend yet again with the stark reality of her relationship with her boyfriend and Liverpool fan Anthony Coogan, and his undying love for Mohamed Salah. Farrelly (27) had been in a happy and romantic union with Coogan… Read more »
DESPITE averaging over 8 live games a week, local man Kevin Blaney expressed frustration at the fact he hasn’t watched a decent match in ages, WWN can confirm. Left scarred after settling down to watch a number of high profile games hyped by TV broadcasters this season only to see a boring 0-0 draw play… Read more »