Category: Football

Urgent Appeal Launched For Two More Lads For Astro On Friday

AN urgent appeal has been launched by three Waterford men, who have found themselves ‘struggling for numbers’ ahead of this Friday’s must-attend Astroturf 5-a-side kickaround and drinking session. The call went out on Twitter yesterday evening as Derek Wilson, Paul Canning and Sean Hanlon issued tweets from their personal accounts urging anyone with information about… Read more »

Grown Man Needs Neymar Jr. If Anyone Has Him

LOCAL adult Peter Wishan has posted a plea on his social media feeds this morning urging anyone with a spare Neymar Jr. Panini World Cup 2018 sticker to come forward, adding that he has ‘loads of doubles for swopsies’. Wishan, pushing 40, needs only the elusive Brazilian forward to complete his World Cup album, after… Read more »

Mo Salah Ascends To Heaven

LIVERPOOL and Egyptian forward Mo Salah ascended to Heaven/Jannah directly after being substituted last night, with God deeming him too precious an example of celestial perfection to risk keeping down on Earth any longer. A thunderous sound pulsed through Anfield following Salah’s 2 goals and 2 assists with a shaft of immense light striking down… Read more »

Russia Trial Bear Referees For Upcoming World Cup

AFTER a recent spate of unsavoury incidents involving the intimidation of referees, Russia has proposed an innovative solution to the cancer on football that is professional footballers. Famed for constantly diving to win penalties, cheating to gain minor advantages throughout each second of a game and having shit haircuts, footballers are potentially the only element… Read more »

Local Football Fan Still Doesn’t Rate Man City

DESPITE Man United’s 1-0 loss to West Brom securing the 2018 Premier League for Manchester City, one local football fan remains adamant they are nothing more than a rag tag bunch of untalented semi-professional footballers who got very lucky. Ciaran Ballane (22) explained to friends and football forums that it takes more than winning a… Read more »