LIVERPOOL FAN Richie Hughes has come out of his final warm up ahead of Saturday’s Champions League final without any injury scares following a successful rewatching of his team’s last Champions League triumph in Istanbul in 2005. Careful not to lose his voice, Hughes only gave the rewatching 70% of his maximum screaming-mindlessly-at-the-television abilities, but… Read more »
WATERFORD MAN and objectively speaking, with no bias, Ireland’s greatest ever soccer player, John O’Shea, has announced that he will play his final game for the Republic of Ireland in an upcoming friendly match against the USA. His 117th and final outing in the green of Ireland will see his last yard of pace, which… Read more »
LIVERPOOL and Egyptian forward Mo Salah ascended to Heaven/Jannah directly after being substituted last night, with God deeming him too precious an example of celestial perfection to risk keeping down on Earth any longer. A thunderous sound pulsed through Anfield following Salah’s 2 goals and 2 assists with a shaft of immense light striking down… Read more »
A LOCAL Liverpool has stressed that as part of his team’s guaranteed place in the Champion’s League final against either Real Madrid or Bayern Munich, he would settle for a win this evening against Roma in the region of 5 or 6-0. “Look, we beat Man City handsomely in the last round, we’re firing on… Read more »
AFTER a recent spate of unsavoury incidents involving the intimidation of referees, Russia has proposed an innovative solution to the cancer on football that is professional footballers. Famed for constantly diving to win penalties, cheating to gain minor advantages throughout each second of a game and having shit haircuts, footballers are potentially the only element… Read more »
DESPITE Man United’s 1-0 loss to West Brom securing the 2018 Premier League for Manchester City, one local football fan remains adamant they are nothing more than a rag tag bunch of untalented semi-professional footballers who got very lucky. Ciaran Ballane (22) explained to friends and football forums that it takes more than winning a… Read more »
IN the wake of yet another showcase for Cristiano Ronaldo’s nerves of steel and striking precision, the Real Madrid striker admitted that he is kept from sleeping each and every night with the thought that somewhere out there, there are football fans who have never seen his 6-pack. Arguably the finest finisher of his generation,… Read more »
FOLLOWING a pathetic 5-1 aggregate defeat at the hands of Liverpool, Manchester City ‘manager’ Pep Guardiola has firmly cemented his reputation as the worst manager in the history of football, according to some football experts. Guardiola, whose win rate now stands at a dreadful 0.00004% after his 74th defeat in a row, is reportedly awaiting… Read more »
REPORTS coming into WWN from the Portuguese city of Porto details a harrowing event which saw police racing to the scene of an alleged massacre late last night, the likes of which have rarely been seen before. “Make it stop, make it stop. No more. Oh God, the shots. The shots!” confirmed an eye witness… Read more »
JESSICA Farrelly cut a forlorn figure on the end of her couch yesterday afternoon as she had to contend yet again with the stark reality of her relationship with her boyfriend and Liverpool fan Anthony Coogan, and his undying love for Mohamed Salah. Farrelly (27) had been in a happy and romantic union with Coogan… Read more »