Category: BUSINESS


Bankers Wondering How To Sneak In 100% Mortgages Without The Backlash

A MEETING of some of the country’s top banking officials today quietly discussed how to launch 100% mortgages again to the Irish public without having any negative feedback, WWN has learned. Following in the footsteps of British counterparts, Barclays bank, several of the country’s main commercial banking chiefs began brainstorming this morning on how to crowbar… Read more »

Hundreds Of Thousands Camp Out Overnight For WWN Live Show Tickets

HUNDREDS of thousands of news fans braved cold temperatures overnight to secure their tickets for what is expected to be the greatest and most intelligent live stage show of the world has ever seen. Queues spanning up to four kilometers began building outside Ticketmaster outlets across the country from last week, with desperate fans setting up their camping gear… Read more »

Delete Yourself. Now.

Dear Internet user, Please read the following open letter carefully, as this is the only correspondence you’re getting from us. Look at the state of you there you pathetic blubbering mess, worrying about what your technological devices are doing to your life; what information we’re taking, what conversations we’re listening in on, what filth you’ve been… Read more »

Local Man’s Bank Balance Drops By Eighteen Pints

THERE was economic chaos for Dermot Creland at the start of business today after his bank balance dropped sharply by eighteen pints; the worst weekend trading result in history for the Dublin man. Creland’s account had looked in good shape yesterday evening, but a series of payments to vintners, publicans and off-licensed premises took effect after the close… Read more »