Garda Warning As Exiled Cannabis Fiend May Attempt Xmas Return To Ireland

GARDAÍ have issued a nationwide warning this evening after sources on the ground confirmed that one of the country’s most infamous cannabis fiends is expected to return to Ireland for the Christmas period. Cork city’s special response unit is to appoint an extra 4,000 specially trained, armed gardaí in preparation for cannabis kingpin Ava Barry’s arrival from well-known drug haven, Holland, where she… Read more »

Miserable Person Waits Patiently Behind Front Door To Avoid Saying Hello To Neighbor

PAUSING completely like a scared animal after hearing a noise on the other side of the door, a miserable man waits patiently inside his house, in the dark, for his neighbour to enter the adjacent apartment, in a bid to leave without being forced to say “hello”, thus maintaining minimum human interaction. “Wait a second, wait, there’s someone …”, he… Read more »

“So No Chance Of That Trip To North Korea Then, No?”

INDEPENDENT Alliance minister John Halligan has renewed calls for himself and four other TDs to visit North Korea on a peace mission, stating he “could do with the break from Irish politics right now”. The Minister of State’s request comes after recent revelations unearthed an inappropriate interview in which Mr. Halligan asked a female civil… Read more »

Denis O’Brien’s Communicorp Makes Bid For Paradise Papers

FURTHER expanding his ever expanding media empire, Denis O’Brien, through Communicorp, has set his sights on an obscure newspaper by the name of Paradise Papers. Less than a week in operation, Paradise Papers, a publication which is wholly tax compliant, was said to have gained the interest of several wealthy figures who realised if they… Read more »