Local Man’s Bank Balance Drops By Eighteen Pints

THERE was economic chaos for Dermot Creland at the start of business today after his bank balance dropped sharply by eighteen pints; the worst weekend trading result in history for the Dublin man. Creland’s account had looked in good shape yesterday evening, but a series of payments to vintners, publicans and off-licensed premises took effect after the close… Read more »

No Snow Out Our Way, Confirms Local Man

DESPITE widespread pleas from Met Éireann and the Garda Síochána to take care as wintry conditions blanket much of the country in snow and ice, Waterford man Gerry McHugh has insisted that his day will go ahead as planned due to the fact that there doesn’t appear to be any snow ‘out his way’. Fenor local… Read more »

Packed Luas Most Action Man Has Got In Months

DUBLIN CITY’S chronic traffic problems has presented one commuter with the unwanted opportunity to be inadvertently felt up on a stuffed Luas during rush hour this morning. Conal McHarty admitted his morning foray into work quickly descended into the most action he has had in months thanks to the sardine can like conditions on all… Read more »

WWN Guide To Being A Character Witness

SO, your close friend/co-worker/sporting teammate has gone and gotten himself/herself into a spot of bother. The law is involved, and they’re going in front of the judge pretty soon. What they need is someone in their corner, someone that can bear witness to their character, and help assure the jury that they’re not a bad… Read more »

Varadkar Struggles To Put Together Cabinet

CURRENT Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has described himself as ‘exhausted’ after a full weekend of trying to assemble a cabinet, something that the young Fine Gael leader has admitted to be ‘way harder’ than he thought it would be. Varadkar finally sat down to address his cabinet issues on Saturday, having decided that he had ‘put… Read more »

BREAKING: Neighbour Needs You To Move Your Car Because They Can’t Drive For Shit

THE neighbour across the street is currently making a hames of reversing their Nissan Micra out of their driveway because your car is parked in their field of view, WWN has learned. Making animated gestures with their hands relating to the positioning of your vehicle, while also trying to look as frustrated as possible, your neighbour has resorted to revving… Read more »