Varadkar Wondering How The Fuck He’s Going To Spin This

A PANICKING Taoiseach is today scrambling his best spin teams to try and save his career following a horrendous incident in which he found himself singing along to ‘Zombie’ by The Cranberries with a busker in Limerick, footage of which made its way onto social media.

The video clip, which WWN will not show here to protect our readers, shows Leo with a number of his fellow FG members singing along to the 90s classic, and has instantly erased the ‘with it’ image that Varadkar had forged for himself over the last five years.

Flanked by spin doctors who have successfully shielded the Taoiseach from culpability in the housing scandal, the homelessness scandal, the numerous HSE scandals and his apparent hatred of poor people, Leo worked late into the night to find someway he could present his awkward house-party-after-a-few-cans rendition of the song as light-hearted, fun, and ‘the sort of thing a cool Taoiseach would do’.

“It’s like the fucking bunker in Downfall in there,” said one of FG’s exhausted spin-masters, sitting in piss-soaked trousers outside Leinster House this morning.

“Leo is furious. He’s furious at everyone. He’s furious at his team for allowing him to even come into contact with a busker to begin with. Number one, that left him with no way to win. Either he didn’t sing along and he looks like he’s ‘too good’ for all that, or he did sing along and well, you’ve seen how that ended up. There’s like, six lads who are supposed to not let that kind of thing happen to Leo. I’ve seen them elbow an ugly baby in the face one time. And two, a busker? A fucking busker?! They’re like, the patron saints of poor people. Shouldn’t have been within 50 yards of LV. This is a fucking nightmare”.

The team continue to try and stem the spread of the horrific video clip on social media and in the news, with a special FG team currently in the chaplain’s office of Leinster House praying for a terrorist incident in mainland Europe to ‘take some of the heat away’.