NEW statistics have shown that more young people than ever before are living in their childhood homes while the petrified remains of their long-deceased parents ghoulishly sit in lifelike poses around the house, WWN can confirm.
With the 18-35 year demographic, many of whom fall into the ‘millennial’ category have long struggled to find affordable accommodation which would allow them to ‘flee the nest’, the current rate of rents in high-demand areas coupled with an inability to save up enough for a deposit to buy their own house has left an entire generation with no other choice than to live with Mum and Dad, even if Mum and Dad are no longer alive.
With some 15% of millennials sharing their living space with the haunting cadavers of their dead parents, WWN caught up with on Waterford man who says he’s still living at home because it’s a shorter commute to his work, it allows him to save towards a deposit, and because he’s not sure what would become of his mother should anyone find out that he dug her up, dressed her in her favourite outfit, and propped her up beside the radio so she could still listen to Joe Duffy like she always did.
“And there’s Dad, out in the garden shed as usual,” said 27-year-old Michael Hughlan, who did not wish to be named.
“‘Be out to you with a cuppa in a minute Dad!’… ha, he didn’t hear me. I’ll bring one out to him anyways. And Mum, you’re okay for tea? Yes? Okay, you just sit there and listen to the List Of Bereavements. Do you remember the time you were on it? Ha ha, that was just a laugh. Anyhoo, what were you asking me there? Am I coping alright with living in a society where my generation has been totally fucked over by the people we’ve inherited our lives from? Yeah, I’d say I’m coping just fine”.
Meanwhile, the government has stated that millennials would be well able to afford houses of their own if they didn’t spent all their money on embalming fluid.