ISIL Break Up Over Creative Differences ​

“It is with deep regret and sadness that I announce to the world that we – the members of ISIS – are going to go our separate ways over a series of internal disputes which we feel there is no possible way back from and we would like to thank all our followers for their incredible support over the years,” a 12 page statement from the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant read this afternoon after being posted on dozens of official twitter accounts and websites linked to the terrorist group.

Citing “creative differences” as the main cause for the sudden break up, an ISIL spokesman published the shocking news at 3pm GMT on Thursday afternoon, sending shockwaves across the world.

“Things just haven’t been the same since John died (Jihadi John),” the statement went on, “and then Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi kept on dying on us too every few months and everything kind of went to shit in Syria when the Russians intervened.

“It’s just hard to terror these days with all the competition and we feel there are better terrorist networks out there that have more resources and opportunities. We hope our fans understand why we are breaking up and will continue to live their lives by the word of Mohammed and not to be disheartened as there are always new, up-and-coming terrorist groups always emerging thanks to US foreign policy and its partners in the West. For now, we bid the world fair well and thanks for watching our videos which have got billions of views”.

It is not known where the tens of thousands of ISIL members will go now the group has broken up, but experts believe a new type of Islamic terror group will arise in Yemen in the next few years once Saudi Arabia, with the help of the US, UK and France, stop bombing it.