Local Woman’s Attitude Unlikely To Get Her A Husband

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THE highfalutin’ and freewheelin’ attitude of Waterford singleton Alice Wilson hasn’t won her the favour of any potential suitors in her hometown, with most people convinced that the 27-year-old is destined ‘for the shelf’.

Wilson first came to the attention of her neighbours when she achieved 580 points in her Leaving Cert, thus moving her from the column marked ‘decent girl’ to the one marked ‘has ideas above her station’.

With the prime of her life drawing to a close and no man in sight, locals have agreed that Wilson will be lucky if she pairs off with anyone at all in her life, and that a significant lifestyle change is needed if she doesn’t want to end up a spinster.

“She’s fiercely independent, not an attractive quality in anybody, let alone a girl,” said local man Pat Hanlon, who unsuccessfully asked Wilson to go to his debs 10 years ago and has yet to forgive her for it.

“So she’d want to do away with 80, maybe 90% of her current personality and adopt a much meeker, accessible persona that might let the lads around here think they have a chance. We won’t be around forever, you know”.

Meanwhile, rumours persist that because Wilson has yet to date anyone from her home town, she ‘must be a lesbian’.

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Posted by Waterford Whispers News on Wednesday, 17 October 2018
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