ARE you growing frustrated by leading media outlets criticising your weight, your class, your hobbies, your profession or your beliefs? Well, don’t worry, those same publications are here to tell you not listen to those spiteful haters, whoever they are!
We were with you every step of the way yesterday when we subtly body shamed you with a few articles of beach bods, and some calorie conscious meals, all under the disingenuous veil of our ‘you got this girlfriend’ series.
And like clockwork we’re here again today to tell you that you rock, you’re a queen and you don’t need to give in to society’s pressures which we insist upon you in every other article like some sort of abusive partner you can’t seem to escape.
Those haters though, don’t give into them. They’re classless scum who don’t deserve your attention, unless of course, it’s us telling you what gym workout fad thing is in this week.
Honestly, who knows, we can’t even keep up with what we think of you from day to day, all we know is that when we tell you should feel bad, believe us, and when we tell you not to listen to that sort of soul crushing criticism, also believe us then too.
Remember, you’re a flawless and strong willed hero who can achieve anything when it suits us to say so, like in this instance, but you might want to tune in tomorrow when we show you some nobody on the internet who was stupid enough to share their opinion online, and please join us in really kicking a vulnerable and exposed person when they’re down.
Fair warning, we’ll be fairly subtle in the way we do it, so you’re going to feel pretty bad when we produce our follow up article about how haters like you ruined her life.
Confusing, isn’t it?
Don’t worry though, you’re amazing and you can do anything, except realising how bad we are for your well being. Oh, that reminds us, you’re going to love our 5 Tips For Maintaining Your Well Being When Online! That’s due out tomorrow. You got this girlfriend!