Tories Defeat Themselves In Commons Brexit Vote

BRAVELY FENDING off their sworn enemies, the democracy hating Tories have vanquished their sternest foe, democracy hating Tories, by democratically voting to ensure the final Brexit deal between Britain and the EU must be voted on and approved by parliament.

After emerging soberly yesterday morning from a night spent with unopened beer cans in a vast and expansive brewery, the Tory government set about defeating their true enemy, themselves, in a Commons vote on the final Brexit bill, to much embarrassment, head scratching and celebrations of their party.

“This is all part of the plan,” PM Theresa May told journalists as she hurriedly went in search of a fire extinguisher to put out a fire she started herself.

The vote was lost by visionary leader and lover of stable government May by just 4 votes, and will result in a weakened negotiating position with the EU. The vote defeat will also limit her own ministers’ powers, and lead to the very real possibility that the final deal struck between the EU and Britain could be rejected by parliament.

“I think this proves once and for all we are the only party who can make a success of Brexit,” confirmed David Davis, before contradicting himself shortly afterwards.

Davis’s contradiction was then counter-contradicted by Michael Gove, who was himself in opposition to comments made by the prime minister, who complicated matters by trying to clear them up. Jacob Reese Moggs then entered within earshot of reporters in a bid to sound flustered next to Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson who was clearly wearing his underwear as a hat.

“As stated previously, we are in the best position to make a success of Brexit,” May added, now inexplicably neck deep in a substance that looked and smelled remarkably like faeces.