Muslims Warned To Not Celebrate Christmas Like We Do

A STARK warning has been issued to all Muslims living in western countries not to attempt to celebrate Christmas, while at the same time getting more involved in western culture and our ways and traditions.

The latest battle in the ongoing war against people who are sick of this argument was kicked off following the unveiling of Tesco’s latest Christmas ad, which depicts families of all races and backgrounds celebrating Christmas together, including a Muslim family, and another family that may or may not be Muslims, but for arguments sake let’s say they are.

Furious online commentators reacted in horror to the ad, promising to boycott Tesco for at least a day or two in protest for a 30 second ad about turkeys which had the audacity to show Muslims getting into the Christmas spirit along with their fellow countrymen, as opposed to ignoring Christmas due to their religious beliefs, which itself would also be considered ‘an outrage’ to some.

“I have no problem with Muslim people living in Britain, as long as they speak our language, obey our laws, and partake in our way of life” said one Twitter user, posting about Muslims for the 9,765th time.

“But not Christmas. Fuck no. When it comes to Christmas, they’re not allowed near it. Speak our language, obey our laws, and partake in our way of life, but on the 25th of December, fuck off to Mecca or wherever. And then on the 26th, come back to doing everything we tell you to. Actually, no, leave it until the New Year. The Muslim new year. That’s in February, isn’t it? I’m not sure. Look, I just want to be angry all the time. Do whatever helps me to keep that up, okay? Cheers”

Tesco have issued a statement about the new commercial, stressing that they’re about as sorry about the whole thing as they were about the horse meat scandal.