Army Pull Off Uncontrolled Explosion For The Craic

RESPONDING to reports of a suspect device outside the home of a suspected Dublin crime lord, the Irish Army ditched their plans to execute a controlled explosion in favour of loading it with C4 and blowing ‘the absolute fuck out of it’.

After inspecting the Dunnes Bag that had been thrown under the parked car of well-known but somehow still un-arrested drug lord Michael ‘the Sap’ McConigle, the army decided to ‘put some welly’ into this call-out.

“We just got really, really fed up with doing controlled explosions, we had some serious explosion blue balls,” explained bomb disposal expert Sgt. Mark Grahanan, who made the decision to say ‘fuck it’ after being called to the scene by Gardaí.

“To be honest, we’re getting fed up getting called out to suspect devices at Dublin drug dealers houses, most of them are fake as fuck to begin with, but we have to carry out a disarming process anyways. So today, we said ‘ok, let’s blow out a few fucking windows while we’re at it’. The street was cleared, and the lad who owns the house and the car is a total scumbag, so we saw no reason to not put some dust in the air on this one”.

With the procedure being declared ‘a complete success’, the army have vowed to burst a few eardrums whenever they’re called to this kind of thing in the future.