Lovin’ Waterford: We Were Left Eating Through A Straw And It Was Fucking Amazing

GUYS, we’ve discovered a new taste sensation that we can’t wait to share with you; drinking yummy, scrumptious meals through a straw as our wired-together jaw heals, and it is rocking our fucking worlds.

We kicked off our journey into straw-food land on Saturday night, when we received a five-star kicking by some guy who was yelling at us for no reason whatsoever; he kept saying how he had read a Lovin’ Waterford article called ‘5 Reasons We Hate Poor People’ and that he was sick of all the negativity we spread about his local community and how he was going to ‘teach us some fucking manners’… so we’re not sure what the fuck he was talking about.

Anyways, he breaks our jaw (you should see our x-rays… OMG amaze) and the doctors tell us we won’t be able to eat solid food for a month.

And folks; we are FINE with that, if it means we get to pig out on these uh-fuh-kin-may-zin smoothies and soups, all of which can be sucked into our mouths using just a regular straw.

Chicken wings? Pulled pork? Burritos? We’re suckin’ ’em all down in a delicious, chewing-free experience that we highly recommend.

Just this morning, we had a delicious avocado and egg combo that honestly, would have been spoiled if it wasn’t in liquidised, drinkable form.

In fact, we recommend going out and getting your jaw broken, just so you can get on board the liquid diet train! All you need to do is talk shit about poor people on your website for a while, and then you’re on your way! Thank us later!