A TEAM of negotiators from the UN have been called in to mediate in the ongoing war between Katy Perry and Taylor Swift, which is in danger of inflicting another decade of needless agony upon millions of innocent people around the world.
The bloodless feud, now in its fourth year, was sparked when the two multi-millionaire singers and one-time best friends fell out over some first world problem or another.
The ensuing conflict brought with it thousands of articles, blogs, tweets and ‘special reports’, with the media spending more time covering this war than any other in human history.
As such, war specialists have made the claim that the conflict is in direct contravention of the Geneva Convention, with millions of innocent civilians bearing the brunt of the actions of the two megalomaniacs, which could lead to sanctions against both Perry and Swift, as well as possible war crimes charges if the feud does not end soon.
“Every day, millions of people get this nonsense shoved into their newsfeeds,” said a spokesperson for the UN.
“This is torture unlike anything we’ve ever seen in Guantanamo Bay. We cannot stand back and allow a generation to be poisoned by this crap. Just look at my Twitter feed; it’s all stories about how Katy is ‘ready to forgive Taylor’… do I look like I give a fuck? I work for the God damn UN”.
Meanwhile, fears grow that both parties may be about to record more songs about the feud, which could lead to another disaster on the scale of “Bad Blood”.