5 Signs That Prove Trump Is A Total Coke Head

HE’S got more stamina and hyperactivity than a man half of his 70 years… so just how does Donald Trump do it? Rumours have swirled for some time that the Republican presidential nominee may, behind the scenes, be a massive coke head… and we’re starting to believe it. Here’s a few tell-tale signs:

1) He’s wired all the time

Coca-Cola isn’t just refreshing, it’s also loaded with sugar. Drink enough of it, and you’ll be bouncing off the walls, talking a mile a minute, not making all that much sense most of the time… sound familiar? Experts suggest that Trump’s hyperactivity levels mean he must be on at least 3 to 4 2litre bottles a day… maybe even more.

2) It’s the American thing to do

Trump loves America. America loves Coca-Cola. If you want to be an American, then you have to get with the program; step one, drink loads of coke. You think Trump’s going to make America great again by sipping on Evian?

3) He just wants to have a good time

Donald Trump wants to put the party back into ‘Republican Party’. He’s brought enough coke for everyone. C’mon, let’s just say whatever we want about Crooked Hillary, get her kicked out of the race, then hit the cans and get crazy. He’s basically said as much himself.

4) He’s always rubbing his gums

If you’re going to drink boatloads of Coca-Cola, then you’ve got to brush your teeth regularly folks. Donald doesn’t seem to have gotten this memo, so his teeth must be all filmy and gross. That’s why you see him rub them with his finger from time to time.

5) FUCK YEAH

OOOOH, YEAH! Donald. Fucking, Trump. He’s just…. man, he’s just great. The best. Ok, he’s just the best at everything. Nobody does everything like Donald Trump. No-one even comes close.