WWN GAA: Gardaí Identify Remains Of Kildare Team

GARDAÍ have confirmed that the mutilated carcass discovered on the pitch at Croke Park yesterday evening is indeed the remains of the Kildare Senior football team, and have launched an investigation to discover what happened the ill-fated squad.

The Kildare team, who were competing earlier in the day in a Leinster clash against Dublin, were found late yesterday evening by stewards cleaning up after the match. Kildare supporters were said to be distraught at the news that their team had been wiped out, with many laying wreaths at the gates of Croke Park last night.

Preliminary forensic tests suggest that the team suffered a desperate beating before finally succumbing to their injuries. The state pathologist spoke of a grim scenario which the Lilywhites initially resisted, but caved in to after a brutal 70 minute beating.

“We’ve got wounds to the forwards, midfield and the backs,” said Dr. Claire Goulding, assistant to the chief pathologist.

“We can see where the team tried their best to defend themselves from the attack, but after a short while it looks like they just accepted their fate and were annihilated. We’ve contacted the families, and there will be arrangements made shortly”.

Gardaí issued a warning to other teams still in the All-Ireland championship, stating that the team that decimated Kildare are still on the loose, and may strike again.