Nation To Fight Over Tennis Courts For 2 Weeks As Wimbledon Begins


THE Minister for Justice Frances Fitzgerald has approved additional funding today to allow for an increased Garda presence at the Nation’s tennis courts.

The funding comes off the back of expert opinion from security experts who cite the beginning of Wimbledon as a flash point among the section of the population that goes absolutely mad for tennis for 2 weeks of the year.

Despite this proactive measure it has come too late for several people in the south Dublin area who were injured when turning up at a local park at 6am this morning to ensure they secured a court.

“It was chaos, I think it’s the new tennis ball smell that sets off some of the more aggressive tennis fans,” Kate Daly, a witness at the scene of a fight which broke out in Dublin’s Marlay Park this morniing, told WWN.

“There’s about 8 tennis courts in there, but there were over 4,000 people queuing by 7am, with everyone claiming that they play all year round, things got messy quick,” Miss Daly added.

Garda have advised people who plan on playing tennis on any of Ireland’s tennis courts that they should expect a delay of about 12 hours as people rush to hit a tennis ball aimlessly over a fence.

“Most people only give up their court after they’ve run out of tennis balls,” explained Garda Ciaran McKenna, “but we’d just appeal to people to resist turning their tennis racket into a deadly weapon in the event of an argument about what exactly happens in a tie break”.

Garda McKenna also urged anyone playing with a wooden tennis racket to stop taking the piss and join the 21st century.