Queen Insists On Counting Scottish Independence Votes By Herself

BUCKINGHAM Palace announced today that Queen Elizabeth II has insisted on counting next weeks Scottish Independence votes all by herself.

On the 18th of September, voters in Scotland will be asked to make a decision on whether or not to remain loyal to the crown in one of the most important moments of their nation’s history.

Following numerous televised debates from both sides of the coin, latest opinion polls suggest the British owned state is divided tightly down the middle, with some 49% voting for Independence, and 51 against. Sources say these latest figures have worried the Queen, compelling her to act as chief counter for the referendum.

‘Her majesty the Queen has insisted on counting all the votes to make sure there is no mistakes in the final tally.’ read an official statement from Windsor today.

Referring to an old 16th century law which suggests the Monarchy has the right to count the vote,  it revealed the Queen may also take as much time as needed in delivering her final calculations.

‘There are currently over five million people living in Scotland and we expect it may take six to eight years for her majesty to finally produce a result.’

Scotland  entered into a political union with England on 1 May 1707 following centuries of conflict between the two sides. With large stately homes like Balmoral castle still owned and maintained by the Royal family, the future of Scotland’s relationship with the monarchy looks to be in jeopardy, forcing some members to negotiate terms in exchange for a ‘no’ vote. 

In a desperate plea earlier this week, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge announced they will name their second child ‘Archie’ if Scotland decides to remain under British rule.

First Minister of Scotland Alex Salmond since replied, saying: “If you name it ‘Ned’, you’ve got yourself a deal’.