Russia And US Talks Now Entering “That’s Not What Your Mom Said Last Night” Stage

FEARS are growing over the ever-escalating crisis in Ukraine as talks between Russia and the United States have entered what commentators are calling the “That’s not what your Mom said last night” stage. It is believed that this current round of handbags may last for quite some time, regardless of how bad the conditions on the ground may become for civilians.

The situation in Ukraine, in which pro-Russian separatists have been locked in a bitter conflict with Ukrainians since the annexation of Crimea earlier this year, has brought relations between Moscow and the West to their lowest point since the end of the Cold War. Although fears that any real punitive action would be taken against Vladimir Putin have long since been dismissed, there are concerns that the snide remarks and name-calling between the Russian premier and the US president Barack Obama will only get worse.

“We are way beyond the realms of ‘I know you are, but what am I?'” said UN spokesperson Blaff Kinaffablaff, in a n exclusive interview with all major news outlets. “After the US accused Russia of direct involvement with the current situation in Ukraine and declared it was unethical for Russia to attempt troop penetration in the afflicted area, the Russians retorted with ‘That’s not what your Mom said last night’. We had all hoped to keep the mothers out of this, but it looks like we’re past that line now”.

As conditions on the ground worsen for Ukranian citizens, the US are this morning reeling from such a sick burn and have brought in their top advisers to help them come up with the perfect retort. With the clock ticking, the Obama administration are hoping to comeback as soon as possible to avoid looking like they’ve lost their bottle.

“So far, we’ve got ‘Yeah, well your Mom told me…’ on the table” said Chuck Levigne, one of Washington’s foremost zinger-masters.

“But that’s all we have right now. We’ve spoken to President Obama and he is just so fucking twisted that Putin has one-up on him, it’s just eating him up. Number one, Russia is invading a sovereign state, and that’s really our thing. Our initial taunts of ‘copycats, copycats!’ didn’t deter them, and now we find ourselves on the receiving end of a ‘Yo Momma’ jibe?

“Our main concern is we’re going to look like chumps, so our comeback will really have to have some stank on it”. he concluded.