It’s the DWWNWCRU (Daily WWN World Cup Round Up)
WWN is providing you with all the latest news from this year’s World Cup in Brazil.
The Nation sincerely thanks John Giles for staying up past his bedtime to cover the Chile – Australia game last night.
While the footballing world is still coming to terms with Holland’s incredible 5-1 drubbing of Spain, WWN has learned of fresh reports that suggest a number of Spain’s squad are being treated for post traumatic stress disorder. Spain’s goalkeeper Iker Casillas was reportedly undergoing hypnotherapy in an effort to erase all memories of last night.
Social media users were left shocked by the match last night, prompting many to rush to their accounts to use as many puns as possible in the describing the events. With witty commentary in high demand, the underground pun, black market saw puns such as ‘there will be a Spanish Inquisition after this’, ‘Oranje you glad you stayed up to watch that’, ‘Holland are Robben Spain blind here’ and ‘Jesus Spain were shite’ fetching several hundred euros each.
Yesterday’s action got underway with Mexico against Cameroon and RTÉ continued its unparalleled coverage of the World Cup by unveiling their secret weapon – Richard Sadlier’s perfectly symmetrical head. The pundit’s enviable dome was trending on Twitter throughout yesterday with as many as 10,000 tweets per minute appraising its alluring shape.
The Holland squad reassured the Dutch people they were not getting carried away after their fantastic win, they did so via a satellite interview from one of Brazil’s finest brothels.
Tim Cahill has finally been reclassified as a soaring eagle following yet another leaping header in last night’s match against Chile. The DNA results have proven conclusively, but FIFA has allowed him to continue in this year’s tournament.
WWN cannot confirm reports Sepp Blatter was making his way around Rio’s flavelas slapping each and every child he encountered across the face.
This evening’s big match sees England play Italy in Manaus. The English media has not yet reached a consensus as to whether England will lose, win, are the best team ever or are completely useless.