THE IRISH media and perverts alike were said to be very disappointed today to find out a young woman found outside the GPO in Dublin last month was not in fact an underage sex slave from Eastern Europe.
The Australian woman, who tingled the voyeuristic nature of the nations media, is currently under the care of the HSE and will unfortunately not be revealing any seedy secrets on the criminal underworlds sex slave industry.
“I had all kinds of images in my head of how she managed to get here from Eastern Europe,” said Irish Daily Mail journalist Cormac Price. “I think every tabloid journalist in the country is very disappointed with the news, and we can only hope for some other poor soul to wash up on our city streets somewhere.”
Meanwhile the Irish Daily Star were left red-faced after claiming the young woman was trafficked through Holland and into Ireland.
“I think it was a good guess in fairness.” defended the newspapers editor Gerard Colleran. “If you throw a stone in a greenhouse you are almost guaranteed to crack something.
“Unfortunately we may have missed the mark this time.”
Perverts across the country have also expressed their disappointment at the news, leaving many disgusted with themselves for ogling a woman in her mid-twenties.
“She looked so young and vulnerable sucking her finger in the Garda picture yesterday,” said one middle-aged man. “Her innocence really had me going and I couldn’t wait to hear what sick shit was done to her.”
“I thought she was the new slane girl” he added.
Gardai released the seductive photograph to the media yesterday morning, and a breakthrough in the case came late last night when it was understood she may have travelled here on her own accord and not in the boot of a pimps Mitsubishi accord.
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— Colm Williamson (@ColmWhispers) October 9, 2013