Tag: work

Fuck It, Local Man Taking The Day Off

CITING the fact that October already feels like it’s the longest month recorded in human history, office worker who’s been working from home ever since ‘shit was sent to the fan via a heat seeking missile’ back in March, Cian Toland, is pulling a sickie. “Admittedly my mood is not the best on account of… Read more »

New Reverse Pregnancy Procedure Allows Mothers To Bring Young Children To Work In Their Womb

A GROUNDBREAKING procedure developed by Irish gynecologists is set to revolutionise childcare across the world, while cutting costs for working parents and creating an everlasting bond with their children, WWN has learned. Aptly named ‘reverse pregnancy’, doctors expect the procedure to be performed nationwide in a simple outpatient day surgery, taking just 60 minutes. “It… Read more »

Nation’s Shirts Go Unworn For Another Month

THROUGH a combination of hugely devastating unemployment, and the noble commitment from those still in jobs to look increasingly unkempt, the nation’s supply of shirts have gone unworn for another month, WWN can confirm. With the large numbers of people working from home content to conduct video conference calls equipped with a 4 month old… Read more »

Hangovers & Working From Home: Our Expert Shows You How

WITH a new report suggesting that 50% of Irish people have increased their consumption of alcohol since the implementation of the Covid-19 lockdown, WWN have employed renowned drinking expert James Michael Phelan to help you through any problems that this increased intoxication may be having on you. With over 20 years of boss-dodging, breath-hiding hangover… Read more »

Local Kid Can’t Believe Parents Call That A Day’s ‘Work’

A FRANKLY astonished 8-year-old Irish child is questioning everything he thought he knew about his parents after witnessing their half-arsed attempts at looking busy as they continue to ‘work’ from home. “Mum’s words-per-minute typing is fucking awful, she’s going at a snail’s pace and only using her index fingers, and himself? He’s been on the… Read more »