A DUBLIN office worker with an insatiable appetite for inflicting suffering on others suggested what ‘fun’ it would be for staff at Faughton & Nelson to bravely carry on with the annual office Christmas party over Zoom this year.
“Oh, just think of the craic; quizzes, games, prizes, raising a glass of bubbly over Zoom it’d be gas,” said resident office psychopath Ciara Hallins.
The suggestion, made by cc’ing everyone in the company and most worrying including the company events committee, sparked widespread panic among the normal members of staff.
“I’ve thrown my work laptop out the window and set fire to my Wifi router, you can’t make me do a Christmas party over Zoom, you can’t make me,” said one coworker visibly losing his mind at the thought of the excruciating attempts at getting ‘banter’ flowing over stilted Zoom conversations.
Speculations remained rife among staff that Hallins ‘knew exactly what she was doing’ and was singularly demented and driven by a desire to see others suffer needlessly.
“I can picture her now, trying to drag the arse out of a 100-question quiz all based on that dose Janet in HR, loving every skin crawling minute knowing she’d have us trapped their in our chairs,” offered another co-worker, “nosy cow just wants an excuse to see our livings rooms”.
With emergency plans already being put into place, workers at Faughton & Nelson have informed their partners, children, housemates that they will be required to come down with a medical emergency at the exact moment the ‘gas’ Zoom office party begins.
“I’ve looked up Hollywood special effects make up tutorials online, the wife will have a hammer protruding from her eye after she ‘tried hanging up a picture’ and blood squibs will be going off in all directions, that psycho Hallins won’t win this one”.
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