IN an unprecedented meteorological experiment, the island of Ireland is to be submerged in a bowl filled with billions of tonnes of uncooked rice for 12 to 18 hours to see if it can be dried up a bit, WWN can exclusively confirm. The move comes as the country is buffeted by yet another series… Read more »
A PRESS release from the Department of We Can’t Believe We Have To Say This But has warned the public not to place their cold pets in the microwave in an effort to heat them up during the cold weather. DWCBWHTSTB officials have also made a similar warning related to pensioners but admit to being… Read more »
THE latest weather report from Met Éireann has confirmed the nation’s worst fears; that although the next couple of weeks will remain bitterly cold, it will not reach a point where we all get a free day off work again. Satellite imaging has shown that there does not appear to be a ‘Beast From The… Read more »
MET ÉIREANN has today communicated to the public that Irish weather will consist of either raging storms or unprecedented heatwaves with no middle ground or respite from the divergent conditions, WWN can confirm. “Yup, this is pretty much it from now until your grandchildren ask why the fuck you didn’t do anything about climate change,”… Read more »
EVOLUTION has taken another leap forward, with the announcement that a baby born to an Oranmore couple has been found to have a pair of gills, perfect for helping it survive in the almost 100% water atmosphere of the Galway region. Little Petey Henson baffled midwives and doctors following his birth after the discovery of… Read more »
AN APPARENT psychopath has declared his fondness for shite and inclement weather, specifically the horrid unremitting bleakness associated with the depths of winter, WWN can reveal. Andy Colgan (33) has been eagerly anticipating the drop in temperature, the reduction in light in the evenings, the increase in the chill and rain since the end of… Read more »
IRELAND local councils and authorities has begun preparation for Storm Helene which brings threat of flooding, by unveiling a new bucket WWN understands. The bucket, to be shared across all councils, is 12 inches in diameter and is capable of taking on board a several litres of water and will form the central part of… Read more »
AS THE CURRENT nationwide hosepipe ban, which is in place until the end of July, looks like it could be extended even further, many ordinary decent folk have expressed their worry as to what life will be like carrying on without washing the car or watering their gardens. WWN is on hand to help you… Read more »
ALL MAJOR social media networks have reported a staggering increase in the number of people taking selfies with ice creams, WWN can reveal. A heavy influx of groan inducing updates have featured ice cream puns and play on words so awful it is believed Irish dads wouldn’t even utter them out loud. “My mouth’s on a collision… Read more »
REACTING to continued reports that a hosepipe ban is set to stay in place for the coming days and Ireland could experience dangerously low water levels, one local man is leaving his kitchen sink tap running out of pure spite. Dublin native Damien Chappins, who has never taken well to being told what to do,… Read more »