AN APPARENT psychopath has declared his fondness for shite and inclement weather, specifically the horrid unremitting bleakness associated with the depths of winter, WWN can reveal. Andy Colgan (33) has been eagerly anticipating the drop in temperature, the reduction in light in the evenings, the increase in the chill and rain since the end of… Read more »
IRELAND local councils and authorities has begun preparation for Storm Helene which brings threat of flooding, by unveiling a new bucket WWN understands. The bucket, to be shared across all councils, is 12 inches in diameter and is capable of taking on board a several litres of water and will form the central part of… Read more »
AS THE CURRENT nationwide hosepipe ban, which is in place until the end of July, looks like it could be extended even further, many ordinary decent folk have expressed their worry as to what life will be like carrying on without washing the car or watering their gardens. WWN is on hand to help you… Read more »
ALL MAJOR social media networks have reported a staggering increase in the number of people taking selfies with ice creams, WWN can reveal. A heavy influx of groan inducing updates have featured ice cream puns and play on words so awful it is believed Irish dads wouldn’t even utter them out loud. “My mouth’s on a collision… Read more »
REACTING to continued reports that a hosepipe ban is set to stay in place for the coming days and Ireland could experience dangerously low water levels, one local man is leaving his kitchen sink tap running out of pure spite. Dublin native Damien Chappins, who has never taken well to being told what to do,… Read more »
DEPARTING from an undisclosed location this afternoon, a line of trucks transporting ice creams exited a top secret HB facility in a bid to supply shops throughout the country with Ireland’s most precious resource in times of intense heat. Clicks from walkie talkies and frantic hand motions indicating ‘go, go, go’ saw armoured trucks protect… Read more »
THE SOARING temperatures occurring as the country descends into a sweaty mess will result in the entirety of Ireland bursting into flames any minute now, weather experts have warned. The country of Ireland, which comes with instructions to ‘store in a cool, dry place and never putting in direct sunlight’ is perilously close to exceeding… Read more »
A DEADLY new strain of hay fever is currently gripping the male population of Ireland, with symptoms that are said to be exponentially more severe than the regular variant of the pollen intolerance. With women said to be largely unaffected, the strain dubbed ‘Man Hay Fever’ is said to be almost as lethal as other… Read more »
AS Ireland’s biannual heatwave continues to bathe the country in temperatures of up to 30 degrees celsius, the Nation once again finds itself confronted with with the seemingly solutionless problem of heat-based insomnia. Given that the majority of Irish housing units are built with the sole purpose of keeping out driving rain for 364 days… Read more »
TEMPERATURES are set to hit highs of 29 degrees next week and well, you’re fucked, we’re all fucked. But can the fragile physiological Irish bodies we call home cope with being hotter than the centre of the Sun (this point will be disputed by so-called experts but since humans have never been to the Sun,… Read more »