Met Éireann Issue Colder Than A Polar Bear’s Mickey Warning


IN AN attempt to correctly convey to the Irish public the imminent plunge to temperatures as low as minus 7 degrees in parts of the country, Met Éireann has issued a rare ‘colder than a polar bear’s mickey’ warning.

“Look it, we could be all ‘Sudden Stratospheric Warming’ but that’s just boring weather nerd talk no one listens to, we need to relay important information in the most impactful way possible,” explained Met Éireann chief turn of phrase meteorologist Olwyn Herlihy.

“No matter what we say there will always be some eejit out for a swim in Salthill but it’ll be frostier than a Spice Girls reunion out there folks, be careful,” confirmed one Met Éireann forecaster in the first of a series of new and frank broadcasts.

The weather service confirmed there’s potential for snow and dangerous road conditions and have appealed to people to take caution.

“It’s colder than a banker’s heart out there, currently there’s more risk of hypothermia here in Ireland than in a plunge pool in the Antarctic, you’ll be colder than a pair of testicles left on the shady side of an iceberg,” the weather update continued.

“Saying ‘fuck me it’s cold’ when you step out the door will reach a high in Ireland over the next 24 hours also, the roads will see more freezing done than in a branch of Iceland. There could be more snow out there than in the toilets of a Dublin nightclub”.

Elsewhere, a number of people have confirmed their intention to get out on the roads for a drive early tomorrow morning just to check if it’s really that bad.