Setting Up Your Own Shebeen: Everything You Need To Know

YET ANOTHER illicit hub of harmless beers and good times during an out of control pandemic made the headlines in recent days, with Gardaí raiding a Shebeen in Mayo.

The news left many shocked and others offended that no one gave them the heads up and an invite, while a small section of people are now strongly considering opening one themselves. Here’s all you need to know:

Despite your shebeen being thoroughly illegal you don’t want to run the risk of be labeled irresponsible; allocate a smoking area to comply with normal pub guidelines.

You don’t have to do it on your own; recent Level 5 restrictions means there’s a lot of bar staff relying on the PUP who are sure to be delighted with the offer of work from a selfless enterprising soul such as yourself.

When it comes the fizzy drinks only stock ‘not to be sold separately’ cans and sell them individually. You’re either taking this shebeen business serious or you’re not.

Make sure to invite at least one off-duty Garda to your shebeen to guarantee longevity.

Make your shebeen Oireachtas Golf Committee friendly, you never know when you’ll get the call.

It’s the 21st century: gender neutralize your shebeen by calling it a Theybeen.

Choose all clientele carefully, shebeens can’t afford to bar or ban patrons lest they snitch on the illegal activity.

While people love shebeens they also want the traditional Irish pub experience so you’ll need a condom machine that hasn’t been refilled since 1997, at least one racist auld lad at the end of the bar and a toilet so badly treated Tusla has a file on it.

If you want to go that extra mile and include a pool table make sure the cloth is ripped, the surface is uneven and there’s no chalk for the cues, one of which is broken in half.

As a publican it’s your job to stimulate conversation, why not start things off by encouraging your customers to bad mouth the government for getting this whole pandemic thing wrong.

Require your patrons to give their contacts details at the door for HSE contact tracing purposes.

Install a network of cavernous subterranean caves beneath your shebeen that would be the envy of the Taliban, for use by patrons whenever the gardaí raid your premises.