Tag: australia

“Using Kangaroo Pouches To Transport Vaccines A Mistake” Admits Australian PM

AUSSIE PM Scott Morrison has admitted fault in the federal government’s vaccine strategy which remains a stuttering, poorly planned mess. “They’re not for taming, they don’t follow directions well and they absolutely won’t accept when they’ve fucked up,” Morrisson said of the kangaroos and not of his own administration. Morrison’s inability to speedily rollout a… Read more »

Australia Apologises For Vaccinating People Slower Than Dirt Poor Countries

THE Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison has issued a formal apology for the painfully hesitant rollout of Covid-19 vaccinations in his country, describing the scheme as ‘unforgivably Indian’ in its slowness. “We’re a fairly wealthy nation with a predominantly white, English-speaking population. There’s no reason for us to be administering doses slower than some of… Read more »

Sydney Sent Irish Weather Conditions In Major Weather Mix Up

THE INTERNATIONAL Meteorological Authority has been embroiled in a scandal following a ‘systems failure’ which led to areas in and around Sydney, Australia being subjected to weather conditions reserved and earmarked for Ireland. The IMA, an international weather body put in charge of the world’s weather after the end of the second world war, has… Read more »

Lucky Australians Don’t Get Their News From Facebook Anymore

ENVIOUS social media users from across the world have expressed their palpable envy for Australians’ news-free Facebook experience. “Wow, lucky bastards; no crazy aunt arguing with you under the 50 racist Daily Mail articles she’s posted, no old school friend sharing anti-vaxx conspiracy theories. Those Aussies are living the dream,” confirmed one social media user… Read more »

Australia Reopen Pubs, The Pricks

THE New South Wales region of Australia is set to reunite its downtrodden masses with their local pub, the jammy pricks, WWN can confirm. Pub-denied Irish people learned of the news as Sydney based Irish expats flooded their social media feeds with the usual displays of a far superior way of life abroad, the fucking… Read more »

Australian Archbishop Who Covered Up Child Sex Abuse Sentenced To 44 Our Fathers, 12 Hail Marys

A FORMER Australian archbishop has been handed down a staggering 24 Our Fathers and 5 Hail Marys after being convicted of covering up child sex abuse, but managed to escape several decades of the rosary due to his age. A Newcastle Magistrate ordered Adelaide Archbishop Philip Wilson to be detained at his sister’s house for at least six months,… Read more »

Australia Vote ‘Yes’ Despite The Havoc & Destruction Marriage Equality Has Caused In Ireland

AUSTRALIANS currently celebrating their ‘yes vote’ to marriage equality which paves the way for Malcolm Turnbull’s government to put the decision before parliament and subsequently legislate accordingly, have been sent a harrowing and shocking warning from the people of Ireland. Scenes of joyous celebrations on the streets of the non-western Sydney part of the country… Read more »