Tag: australia

Irish Person Doesn’t Understand Why Australians Didn’t Vote Back In Government They Hated

LOCAL man Colm Fitzsimons has expressed his confusion at the Australian election results, giving voice to the bemusement many Irish people greeted a result which saw the governing party ousted in decisive fashion. “Why didn’t you contrive to split the vote to such an extent that it delivered a result which pleased absolutely no one… Read more »

Animatronic Bouncer The Dog To Be Constructed By Boston Dynamics For Final Episode Of Neighbours

PRODUCERS of the long-running but sadly soon-ending Australian soap Neighbours are planning a big send-off for the final episode with dozens of returning characters but robotics company Boston Dynamic are currently running into problems with the real star of the show. “We’re 90% of the way there with a robotic Bouncer the dog,” said a… Read more »

“I Can’t Wait To Pick Fruit” Local Man Noel MacKovic Takes Up Australia’s Call For Backpackers

WATERFORD man Noel MacKovic welcomed Australia’s latest invitation to backpackers in the form of waiving the €313 visa application fees for those arriving in Australia within the next 12 weeks, WWN reports. “I can’t wait to pick fruit with fellow countrymen and have some crack, boy,” Mr. MacKovic told WWN at his John’s Park home…. Read more »

“Aside From Attending Events When He Knew He Had Covid & Lying On His Visa Form, Novak Is The Victim”

AUSTRALIA’s Immigration Minister Alex Hawke has cancelled Novak Djokovic’s visa, sparking a fresh flood of controversy, laughter and memes. However, someone who is not laughing is diehard as-of-last-week Djokovic fan David Singley, who has never seen someone so thoroughly mistreated as he has the Serbian tennis great. “Look if you completely discount the fact he… Read more »

“Using Kangaroo Pouches To Transport Vaccines A Mistake” Admits Australian PM

AUSSIE PM Scott Morrison has admitted fault in the federal government’s vaccine strategy which remains a stuttering, poorly planned mess. “They’re not for taming, they don’t follow directions well and they absolutely won’t accept when they’ve fucked up,” Morrisson said of the kangaroos and not of his own administration. Morrison’s inability to speedily rollout a… Read more »

Australia Apologises For Vaccinating People Slower Than Dirt Poor Countries

THE Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison has issued a formal apology for the painfully hesitant rollout of Covid-19 vaccinations in his country, describing the scheme as ‘unforgivably Indian’ in its slowness. “We’re a fairly wealthy nation with a predominantly white, English-speaking population. There’s no reason for us to be administering doses slower than some of… Read more »

Sydney Sent Irish Weather Conditions In Major Weather Mix Up

THE INTERNATIONAL Meteorological Authority has been embroiled in a scandal following a ‘systems failure’ which led to areas in and around Sydney, Australia being subjected to weather conditions reserved and earmarked for Ireland. The IMA, an international weather body put in charge of the world’s weather after the end of the second world war, has… Read more »

Lucky Australians Don’t Get Their News From Facebook Anymore

ENVIOUS social media users from across the world have expressed their palpable envy for Australians’ news-free Facebook experience. “Wow, lucky bastards; no crazy aunt arguing with you under the 50 racist Daily Mail articles she’s posted, no old school friend sharing anti-vaxx conspiracy theories. Those Aussies are living the dream,” confirmed one social media user… Read more »