Calls For Harsher Punishments For People Calling To House Unannounced Over The Christmas


AUTHORITIES have been called on by the public to use the full powers at their disposal to issue punitive punishments to individuals who think nothing of rocking up to houses unannounced over the Christmas period.

“Long established Christmas and New Year protocols of giving a bit of fucking notice like are being being ignored, and it can’t go on, the guards have to do something,” said one concerned member of the public forced to answer the door to his wife’s friend wearing nothing but gravy stained tracksuit bottoms.

In a shocking discovery made by WWN staff, there is currently no fine system in place to levy against such offenders and custodial sentences also do not exist.

“I bet she only called over without warning so she could see the state of the place and know how much that would wreck my head, this place is the envy of the shittiest pig sty in the world right now it should be a crime to knock in without asking first,” one distraught member public said, who has been terrorised by the sudden arrival of a neighbour, old school friend and sister in recent days.

While the guards maintain they are powerless to send a riot squad to a front door to rugby tackle an elderly neighbour armed with homemade Christmas pudding looking to pop in for a coffee and a natter, authorities admit legislation is needed.

“Irish people are incapable of just telling someone to call back at a more convenient time so perhaps laws are needed,” said one TD who is giving support to a bill heading to the Dáil titled ‘There’s Deirdre Walking Up The Driveway, Did You Invite Her Over? Then Why Is She Here, Fuck Duck Behind The Curtain, Too Late She’s Seen Me. Stick The Kettle On’.