Biden To Coach Netanyahu On How To Properly Cover Up War Crimes


AMERICAN president Joe Biden has landed in Israel and having immediately failed with a polite ‘pretty please’ to bring an end to Israeli military intervention in Gaza he has instead set about coaching Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu on how the US covers up its war crimes.

“It looks like you don’t need any coaching but something me and Barack used to do all the time was call teenage children ‘enemy combatants’ really made our indiscriminate drone strikes sound like precision attacks involving no casualties,” said Biden nudging Netanyahu playfully.

“Always paint yourselves as the good guys fighting evil, ‘cus see that way it’s like killing several thousand civilians and counting is in no way a disproportionate response to what Hamas fighters have done,” added Biden, who pledged to Netanyahu that the US would continue to state that preventing water, food and fuel from entering Gaza was ‘bad’ but taking no further steps.

Biden stressed that given enough time the world would simply move on and if his political life is anything to go by, hardly anyone will bring up things like voting for the Iraq War, being part of the administration that created the conditions for the rise of ISIS or drone bombing civilians with the same frequency normal people brush their teeth.

“Looks like you have no interest in leaving the West Bank or Gaza but if you ever need advice on a catastrophic withdrawal I’ve got my Afghanistan folder somewhere,” concluded Biden, who in his absentminded state didn’t notice billions in military aid fall from his jacket pocket.

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