The Craziest Things RTÉ Used Its Barter Account For

REVELATIONS from RTÉ’s appearance at the Public Accounts Committee revealed a litany of purchases from what many people have described as a ‘slush fund’ including €138,000 on Irish rugby tickets and €26,000 on Champions League final tickets among other spending RTÉ says was part of wining and dining clients and brands who spent money on advertising with the station.

Further investigation by WWN revealed yet more outrageous largesse bankrolled by RTÉ’s barter account, including:

An item in a ledger just listed as ‘prostitutes for Bosco’.

Copious lines of ‘talcum powder’ ordered for senior RTÉ figures and talent, which suggests there was a huge nappy rash problem at the broadcaster.

Spa weekend for Marty Whelan’s moustache. Whelan has since clarified while he didn’t attend, his moustache did.

€3,965 spent on taxis to Pat Kenny’s house just to perform knick knacks on the former RTÉ man’s door.

Paid for helicopter to fly in Kerry Gold butter from Kerry to Dáithí Ó Sé’s dressing room for his morning toast.

Absolutely nowhere in the audit was there evidence any money was spent on acting lessons for Fair City cast.

One member of staff received a one euro bonus every time they correctly added the fada to ‘RTÉ’ when writing an article on the RTÉ website.

Paid for clients to spend night in Queen Elizabeth II’s coffin before she was buried.

Catholic Church was paid €20k per bong in the angelus for use of the church bell copyright totaling €87mn.

Claire Byrne’s shed was given all-expense paid trip to Glastonbury.

Payments made to a private security firm to help keep Lottie Ryan from sporadically breaking into studio to deliver impromptu entertainment news during radio programs were also logged.

Paid for €250,000 clients to go on once in a lifetime trip to site of Titanic shipwreck at bottom of ocean. Records show clients didn’t even have the manners to get in touch and tell them how trip went.

While purchasing tickets to U2’s 2020 concert in Croke Park has made headlines, buried further down in disclosures was the fact RTÉ paid The Coronas not to perform a gig. A rare PR win for the broadcaster.

Another €50k was spent on head wax for Brian O’Donavan.

Subliminal messaging delivered through RTÉ programming to erase the fact Eoghan McDermott ever existed costed the station €1.2mn.

€100,000 to a US cryogenics specialist suggests RTÉ were actively trying to bring back a zombie Gay Byrne to host a number of shows.