Putin Actually Quite Hurt By Accusation He’d Be Type Of Person To Blow Up A Dam


RUSSIAN leader Vladimir Putin has immediately expressed his considerable hurt at having his name mentioned in connection with a catastrophic destruction of a dam in Nova Kakhovka, Ukraine.

“You bomb a few hospitals, steal food, kidnap children and then suddenly you’re blamed for everything in a heartbeat. Is that what people think of me? That I’d risk drowning 42,000 people along the Dnipro River and further imperil the Zaporizhzhia nuclear plant which is cooled by these waters?” a weary Putin said, his lip trembling such was his upset.

Putin denied he was taking a ‘got to catch ’em all’ approach to war crimes by targeting a dam which directly contravenes the Geneva Convention.

“Just because you’re a strong man doesn’t mean words don’t hurt you,” said Putin collapsing into the arms of a nearby military general.

Confused Kremlin officials were then forced to agree with Putin despite being in the room several months ago when he gave the okay for the targeted attack.

“I wholeheartedly agree, and I’m not just saying this because I’m aware there are several nearby open windows,” confirmed a Kremlin official, sweat now beading down his Slavic bulb.